How to Handle Your Toddler’s Picky Eating (Gracefully)

Is your toddler a picky eater?

Many parents cite picky eating as the biggest behavioral challenge they face during the toddler years. Although picky eating can be frustrating to deal with, rest assured that your toddler’s eating habits are, in all likelihood, totally normal.

Many children go through a “picky eating” phase beginning sometime between ages 1 and 3, where they may eat very little or refuse to try new foods.

Sometimes, your little one may even reject foods they used to love, making it difficult to find many – or any – foods your child will eat.

First, some good news!

Your child’s diet is likely meeting their nutritional needs, even if it doesn’t seem that way. (A good rule of thumb? If your little one’s pediatrician isn’t worried, you probably don’t need to worry either.) 

It’s also important to remember that most children outgrow picky eating by age 4 or 5. So, even though this phase in your child’s life can be frustrating, know that it won’t last forever.

Here’s the catch: It’s important to respond to picky eating in a balanced way to help your toddler develop a healthy relationship with food as they grow. Here are a few ideas…

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Why do toddlers become picky eaters?

There are many causes of picky eating in the toddler years. Here are a few of the most common reasons little ones may struggle with picky eating…

• Increased sensitivity to tastes and textures: Young children are less tolerant of sour and bitter flavors than adults, and some children are also averse to certain textures (mushy, crunchy, slimy, etc.), limiting the number of foods they will eat.
• Genetics: Research suggests that a  child’s reluctance to try new foods (neophobia) may be partially inherited, as well.
• Control: Young children have relatively little control over their lives. Since eating is one of the few daily activities that is within a child’s control, picky eating can help little ones gain a desired sense of power.
• Limited exposure to new foods: Young children may need 10-15 exposures to a new food before they feel comfortable trying it; this is especially true for more cautious children.
• Parental behavior: Parents can inadvertently make picky eating worse by doing things like pressuring children to eat, preparing special meals on demand, or offering children only their preferred foods. (Although you can’t control your child’s taste buds, this factor is, fortunately, within your control!)

Picky eating: Do’s and don’ts

Try following these mealtime tips to help your child overcome picky eating and develop healthier habits…

1 | Involve your child in mealtimes

Children are more likely to try meals they had a hand in preparing. So, look for fun ways to involve your child in mealtimes.

Here are a few ideas:

• Serve meals “family style” and help your little one serve themself (rather than plating their meals for them)
• When you go grocery shopping, let your child choose a new fruit, veggie, or other food to try at home
• Encourage your child to help you set the table before dinner
• Flip through a kid-friendly cookbook and invite your child to choose a recipe to try as a family
• Invite your child to help out in the kitchen – they can rinse produce, tear herbs or greens, pour and mix ingredients, and more!

2 | Don’t pressure your child to eat

Pushing children to eat doesn’t work – and it typically makes picky eating worse. Over time, it can even lead to disordered eating. So, don’t pressure your child to clean their plate or eat “just one more bite.” And definitely don’t bargain with your child to eat more in order to earn a special toy or activity.

It can be difficult, but do your best to keep mealtimes relaxed and stress-free. This will help decrease power struggles between you and your child and, gradually, help your child learn to embrace mealtimes.

3 | Eat with your child

When I was a toddler teacher, we sat and ate with the children during each snack and meal. This works for a few reasons. 

First, young children mimic their caregivers’ behavior. That means, as adults, we can model healthy eating habits for children when we eat together. We can try a variety of nutritious foods; take slow, mindful bites; and stop eating when we’re full. When we do this consistently and deliberately, we can help little ones develop healthy eating habits that will benefit them as they grow. 

Additionally, eating with your child is a great way to make mealtimes a positive part of your child’s day – and yours, too! To accomplish this, try setting fresh (or fake) flowers on the table, playing soothing music, and including your little one in mealtime conversations with the whole family. 

4 | Don’t be a short order cook

Here’s a good rule to follow when it comes to mealtimes: You choose what food is offered, as well as when and where it’s served. Your child chooses how much they eat – including whether they eat at all.

Basically, it doesn’t serve you or your toddler to cook special meals on demand when they refuse to eat what’s on their plate. This simply teaches them that they don’t have to eat the food you’ve prepared for them. (If they push their plate away, they know they’ll get chicken nuggets instead!)

So, instead of cooking a second meal for your toddler when they refuse to eat, you can try saying something like this: “That’s okay. This is what we have for lunch today. If you’re not hungry, you can wait to eat until later. I really like the rice, though. Did you try some yet?”

Maybe your child decides they are hungry, after all, or maybe they choose to hold off until later. Either way, it’s okay! Overcoming picky eating takes time, and helping your child learn to listen to their body is a critical part of the process.

5 | Pair new foods with old favorites

This is a simple trick that can make a big difference. New foods can seem scary on their own. But your little one may be more willing to give an unfamiliar food a try, if you serve it alongside a food they already like. 

Notably, this seems to work best when new foods are offered alongside sweet foods. For example, you could try serving cucumbers (new) with berries (familiar), Greek yogurt (new) with honey (familiar), or cheese (new) with apple slices (familiar). By pairing new foods with old favorites, you can help set your child up for mealtime success! 

6 | Don’t use food as a reward or punishment

Using food to reward or punish your child can lead to unhealthy eating habits over time. Simply put, it’s dangerous to teach your child that food is tied to their behavior – good or bad. To help your little one develop a healthy attitude toward food, it’s important to model mindful, non-emotional eating instead.

Additionally, offering desired foods – like dessert – as a reward for eating something “healthy” – like dinner – actually devalues the food you’re trying to get your child to eat. (Whoops.) When this happens, dinner becomes an obstacle preventing your child from getting what they really want: Dessert. This, in turn, makes your child want dinner even less, feeding into the stubborn picky eating cycle.

Here’s a tip: When you choose to offer dessert, consider serving it with your child’s meal, rather than waiting until your little one has finished eating. (I know it sounds crazy, but give it a try! You might be surprised.)

7 | Always offer one thing you know your child will eat

This is a good way to keep your little one fed – even if the list of foods they’ll eat on any given day is limited. So, go ahead and add one of your child’s go-to foods to their plate, whether it’s Goldfish crackers, butter noodles, strawberries, or another toddler-friendly fave.

As an added bonus, this can also help make mealtimes less of a struggle. When your child knows there will be at least one food they like available, they may come to enjoy mealtimes more. 

Quick tip: Try offering a single serving of your child’s “safe” food with the rest of their meal, rather than letting your little one fill up on just their favorites. That means, when the chicken nuggets on your child’s plate are gone, they’re gone. This can help incenticize your child to try the other foods on their plate, instead of sticking to just nuggets. 

8 | Don’t forget to make food fun!

If you want to help your child gracefully overcome picky eating, this is key: Let food be fun.

Read books about all kinds of food, including where it comes from and how it’s made. Treat grocery shopping like a scavenger hunt, letting your toddler help you track down what you need. Take a field trip to a local farm, community garden, or farmers’ market and talk about what you see. 

It can also help to “play with your food” a bit:

• Paint with edible finger paints made from fruit
• Stick dry spaghetti through the holes in a collander
• Try fun food prep activities, like peeling a clementine, slicing a banana, or washing produce
• Practice scooping and pouring dried rice or beans (with adult supervision)
• Make scented playdough using child-safe spices
• Cook or bake a simple recipe together

9 | Keep trying

Again, your child may need as many as 10-15 exposures to a new food before they’ll give it a try. While this can be frustrating, it’s normal and developmentally appropriate for little ones. So, don’t give up!

You can also try preparing foods in different ways, just in case the cooking method – not the food – is holding your little one back. For example, your child might love roasted broccoli, even if they won’t touch broccoli raw. Try offering fruit fresh from the bowl, blended in a smoothie, or mixed into your child’s favorite yogurt or cereal. Veggies can be served raw (when safe to do so), steamed, roasted, air fried, and more. 

Presentation matters, too. Dips can often encourage more adventurous eating. Taking an extra minute to cut your child’s sandwich into strips, triangles, or even cookie cutter shapes, can sometimes make eating more fun for reluctant eaters. Mix it up sometimes. Maybe your child won’t touch a homemade burrito bowl, but will happily eat the same ingredients when they’re heated up in a quesadilla.

Do a little experimenting and see what works for your child! 

Want more ideas?

Check out these awesome Instagram accounts for more helpful picky eating tips…

• @feedinglittles
• @kids.eat.in.color
• @kidfriendly.meals
• @veggiesandvirtue
• @yummytoddlerfood

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