This shouldn’t be news to you, but toddlers tend to experience BIG emotions. They also tend to struggle with a little thing called self-soothing. To make things worse, all that toddler drama can make you feel pretty emotional yourself, which doesn’t exactly improve the situation.
Luckily, there are a few guidelines you can follow the next time your toddler enters full-on meltdown mode. These guidelines will help you de-escalate the situation while teaching your toddler some key social-emotional skills. Pretty cool, right?
Keep reading to learn what you can do to help your toddler learn to manage their emotions more effectively.
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Step 1 | Stay Calm
As hard as it may be, don’t freak out – even if your toddler is currently draped across the kitchen floor, screaming her little head off.
Take a breath, speak in a low, soothing voice, and stay as calm as you possibly can.
Your toddler may not immediately adopt your zen attitude, but you’ll at least avoid escalating the situation.
Step 2 | Empathize
Show your child that you empathize with their feelings – even when it seems like your toddler is overreacting.
You can say something like, “It can be so hard when you have to wait!” or “You look disappointed. You really wanted that toy!”
Validating your child’s emotions – no matter how silly they might seem to you – will help them calm down and move on more quickly.
Step 3 | Name the Emotion
Help your toddler identify and name their emotion. Use specific words like disappointed, nervous, or frustrated rather than vague descriptors like sad or angry.
You can say something like, “You keep trying to hang your coat up, but it keeps falling down. It looks like you’re feeling really frustrated right now!”
Emotional vocabulary is a powerful tool for toddlers. By naming your child’s feelings, you’re helping them expand their emotional vocabularies and learn to understand and express their feelings more effectively.
Step 4 | Show Support (But Read the Room)
What does your child need from you when they’re feeling upset?
Do they need a little bit of space? There’s nothing wrong with that! Just stay close and let them know you’ll be right there when they’re ready.
Would your little one prefer a big hug and a story to help them calm down? Feel free to hug it out!
You know your child best. Try to read the room and support your child the way they want and need you to.
Step 5 | Model Coping Skills
Now, it’s time to model a few coping skills for your toddler.
In the beginning your child will likely need A LOT of help practicing each of these skills. Over time, though, your child will become more independent and more able to self-soothe on their own.
Here are a few coping skills you can try modeling for your toddler!
Every child is different and has different preferences when it comes to coping with their emotions. So, feel free to try different things until you find a few ideas that consistently work for your child.
Redirection
Try redirecting your child to a new activity – a book, song, toy, or anything else that might help distract your little one.
It can sometimes help to redirect your child to something novel – bubbles, Playdough, or even an animal or cool truck that you see outside.
Remember to always acknowledge your child’s emotions first before trying to redirect them. We’re not trying to teach children to ignore their feelings, we’re just giving them age-appropriate ways to move on from big emotions, rather than dwelling on them for too long.
Deep Breathing
Show your child how they can take deep breaths in and out as you slowly count to 10. “1… 2… 3…”
To help your toddler learn to breathe effectively, you may want to walk them through a simple visualization: “Fill your tummy with air like a balloon… Is it full? Okay, now blow a big bubble out, like this…”
Stay with them while they practice taking deep breaths. Then, check in to see if they want to repeat the exercise or move onto something else.
Physical Activity
If your toddler is feeling angry or frustrated – especially if they’re acting out physically – suggest an acceptable way for them to work out their anger.
They can stomp, do jumping jacks, try a few yoga poses, rip paper, or throw beanbags or stuffed animals into the laundry hamper to help them work out their aggression.
Sometimes a good, strong high five can do the trick, too!
Draw the Feeling
Give your toddler the option to express their emotions through art. Ask if they want to draw (or paint, or sculpt…) their feelings.
This is a better strategy for older toddlers (2.5+), but a younger toddler might also benefit from scribbling their lil heart out when they’re dealing with a challenging emotion.
Drawing can help distract your child long enough to allow them to slow down and calm themselves. Plus, discussing your little one’s artwork can help you talk about their emotions in a safe, non-confrontational way.
Change the Scenery
Sometimes, your child just needs a change of scenery. So, if it’s practical to do so, don’t be afraid to get out of there (wherever you are) and allow your little one to calm down in a new environment.
This can work especially well if your child gets easily overstimulated, panicking as a result. Once your little one is removed from the scene, you might find it much easier to help them calm down.
At home, you can set up a quiet space or calm down corner for your toddler and encourage them to go there when they need a break, some alone time, or a change of scenery.
Ask for Help
Most toddlers struggle to cope with their emotions on their own. That’s what you’re there for, right?
Let them know that it’s okay to ask a trusted adult for help when they need it.
And fulfill your end of the bargain by consistently responding to their big emotions with a calm, empathetic attitude and a willingness to help your toddler work through their feelings in a safe and productive way.
One more thing
Learning effective coping strategies is a critical part of your child’s development. And it doesn’t hurt that following these simple steps will make your life a lot easier, too!
Like any skill, your toddler will need a lot of guidance at first as they learn how to identify their emotions and manage them effectively. The cool thing is that, with lots of practice – and, with a toddler, you’ll have plenty of opportunities to practice – your little one will gradually get better and better at using these techniques on their own.
Raising happy, healthy, and independent kids? That’s definitely a parenting win.
♥ Meg
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