How To Be A Positive Parent

Think of positive parenting as a shame-free, mutually respectful, relationship-based style of parenting. The result? Confident, competent kids who communicate well and respect others – plus a healthy parent-child relationship to boot!

Sound good?

Keep reading to learn what positive parents do daily to build a lasting, positive relationship with their little one – without dropping the ball on discipline!

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1 | Listen More Than You Talk

Actively listening to your child is one of the most important things you can do for them. Paying attention to your child’s words helps them feel heard, understood, and loved – and it will help you understand and empathize with your child’s needs much better.

Sure, you may want to tune out your child sometimes when you’re busy with something else or they’re taking forever to get to the point.

But when you listen to your little one – whether they’re making weird animal noises or telling you a story about their day – you show them that what they have to say matters. And honestly, how cool is that?

2 | Check Your Emotions

Sometimes your precious little monkey is going to drive you absolutely crazy. That’s part of the deal, right? But it’s so important to work on managing your own emotions if you goal is to teach your child to do the same.

Some good emotion management techniques to work on (and model!) are:

• Practice taking deep breaths to calm down
• Take a break when you need one
• Accept responsibility for your emotions & use “I” statements to describe how you’re feeling
• Change your environment – take a walk, go on a drive, or even just move to a different room
• Be solution-oriented, not problem-oriented: Channel your energy into solving the problem, not obsessing over it

3 | Set Limits With Empathy

Kids need limits. As a positive parent, you need to learn to establish and enforce limits in order to keep your child safe and healthy – and to help them learn to respect others’ needs, as well!

Does that mean your little one will agree with every limit you set? Um, not quite. That’s where empathy comes in. When you tell your 2 year old, “No, Sam, I need you to climb down from the kitchen counter. It’s not safe to climb up there,” he may be genuinely upset.

Acknowledge and validate his feelings – “It looks like you’re feeling really sad right now. You really wanted to climb up there!” – but enforce the boundary – “We need to find a safe way for you to play. Would you like to play on your climber instead?”

4 | …But Let Them Be Little

Every once in awhile, check your expectations for your child. Ask yourself, Are my expectations age-appropriate? and, Am I giving my child the tools they need to successfully meet those expectations?

If everything looks good, then great, keep doing what you’re doing! But sometimes we get so caught up expecting children to behave perfectly that we forget how little they really are.

So, give them space and time to be little! Let them be silly and weird and hyper, let them be emotional, let them make mistakes! And then give them the tools and guidance they need to keep learning and growing.

5 | Use Natural Consequences

Natural consequences involve letting your child experience the negative effects of their actions to help them learn from the experience. I also like to think of natural consequences as a way to help your child learn to solve – or prevent – problems.

So, if your little one dumps their cup of milk out on the floor, it’s now their job to grab a towel and help clean up the spill. Or maybe your child takes too long getting ready in the morning and they end up missing dance class.

Natural consequences are effective because they help your child connect what they did initially – the negative behavior – with the result of their actions. And, when done right, natural consequences are a shame-free, guilt-free component of positive parenting.

6 | Say “I Love You” (With Your Words and Actions)

This is the heart of positive parenting. Let your little one know how much you love them! Say those three little words as often as you can. Offer them hugs, kisses, and cuddles. Show them you mean it with your attention. Actively listen to them. Get down on the floor and play with them whenever you can.

Even when they’re cranky or frustrated or disappointed – or when you’re feeling some kind of way about them – they want and need your love.

Your relationship with your child is the foundation for everything else – how well they listen to you, the way they view themselves, how they treat others… Do what you can each day to build a strong, positive foundation!

The Last Thing You Need To Know About Positive Parenting

Positive parenting is simple in principle but not always easy in practice. It’s one thing to do everything “right” when you’re having a good day – you woke up (semi) well-rested, had a fun and peaceful day at home with your little one, and (somehow) avoided toddler drama all day long.

Things get less easy, though, on those not-so-good days. Your child throws 3 full-blown tantrums before breakfast, naptime is a trainwreck, and you don’t know how you’ll get through the day at all, let alone how you’ll keep the positive parenting thing up until bedtime.

And that’s okay. Positive parenting is a skill. It’s okay if it takes time and work to feel like you’re doing it “right”. Even when you mess up, remember that how you respond to your own parenting mistakes is part of parenting too. Teach your child that it’s okay to mess up sometimes – but that you should always take responsibility for your actions, say sorry when you need to, and try to do better next time.

You got this!

♥ Meg

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